We’re so sorry for your loss. So often the role you take on is holding it all together, being ‘strong’, taking care of the practicalities – before you have even had a chance to begin processing your own grief. Your experience may be very different to your partner’s, your experience of grief may be different, but nonetheless you may still have suffered a great loss. You don’t have to be strong all the time.
It is often a heartbreaking experience and your support, compassion and understanding can make all the difference as can practical support. Whilst loss can affect people differently, in general can you expect tears, sadness, anger, fear over what happens next, confusion over why it’s happened and loss of interest in life.
If you have experienced the loss of a baby during pregnancy or soon after birth, people might ask how your wife or partner is, but forget to ask how you are, forgetting that you lost a child too. You will have had your own hopes and dreams for the future which have all been swept away – it’s your grief too and your feelings matter.
Some couples might feel closer after loss and not seek external support. But for others, it can feel that you and your partner are in different places when it comes to grieving. You might not want to share your grief for fear of upsetting them, they might wonder why you don’t talk about it more. One might want to keep busy whilst the other retreats. This can lead to misunderstanding and distance between you. It’s important to keep communication open and reach out for external support if needed. It can be helpful to talk to someone outside of your circle who you can speak freely and honestly with – reach out to us, friends and family, or a bereavement counsellor. We’ve provided some helpful online support links too.
Don’t feel that you cannot ask for support for yourself – sometimes we do such a good job of holding it all together that others don’t think we need support too.