Siblings

It is natural to be worried about how siblings or other children in the family will react – how will they might feel and how to explain what has happened.

When a child is bereaved, we cannot and should not take away their grief. By helping them to explore it and share it, we can help them live through it and beyond

SANDS, the UK’s leading stillbirth charity

Whilst it can be a devastating loss for us, remember that children will not feel the loss in the same way.

• Young children do not understand the concept of death. Give them simple, age appropriate explanations (see SANDS link below – scroll down to ‘Helping Your Child’ for explanations). When they are ready, they will ask more questions.
• Be mindful of language – saying a baby was ‘born asleep’ may confuse them and have them not wanting to go to bed, to sleep.
• They may need to be told a number of times, over weeks or months.
• When ‘bad’ things happen children can blame themselves, they may need reassurance that it was nothing they did.

“Puddle jumping” – It can be helpful to understand children and young people’s response to grief as “puddle jumping” in which children experience sudden strong overwhelming emotions (“jumping in”) and then switch their attention (“jumping out”).

If they are at school, let the teacher know what has happened so they can keep an eye on them and offer extra support. Sometimes children can benefit from the routine and ‘safe space’ that school provides. The school may be able to provide a counsellor for the child to talk to and let them express feelings that they might not feel able to at home.

We provide a number of books for siblings, available through Maternity, Robin Ward and Family Nursing and Home Care.

The Funeral – Children may wish to put a toy, drawing, letter or something else with the baby. Give them the choice to be involved, explain in simple terms what will happen and let them decide, if old enough, whether or not they attend the funeral.