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“I have a very strong memory of those early days and that feeling of empty arms. Feeling lost, hollow, that an enormous part of me was missing . . . . . . which it was. It is in these early days that having something tangible to hold, touch or see, is so important.” Jo Nash, founder.
However we choose to honour our baby or child’s memory, there is no right or wrong way. We all remember, we all take time to reflect and mourn. As bereaved parents, it helps us to process and adapt to our loss and integrate our child into our everyday lives.
That said – we respectfully ask that you don’t release balloons (including latex balloons) or sky lanterns. They endanger both animals and our environment both on island and in the sea. Why not blow some bubbles instead, or throw petals onto the sea and watch them drift away.
There are many ways to do something to remember them which can fill that need to ‘do’ something, at any time, these are just a few ideas.
I’ve always loved magnolias and Magnolia Stellata flowers in March, Philip’s birth month.
We planted it near the kitchen so I could look at it whenever I wanted and see it close by. It has come with us to our new home. It gave and still gives me comfort; it is somewhere to connect and reflect. Watching it grow, bud and flower each year, whilst it marked the passing time, also helped me realise that I too had survived another year travelling through my grief.
You don’t need a big area to pay tribute to your baby, it can just be a pot or window box. A special plant, some seeds, something scented – the choice is endless as to what you could put there to make it personal to you. If you have the space you could plant a tree. If you don’t have a garden maybe you could plant a tree somewhere else or pay for a tree to be planted in your baby’s memory.
“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow” Audrey Hepburn
If you don’t have a garden, you could create a memory area in your home. Find a peaceful corner, you could add a photo, special candle, ornaments or toys. You could keep this memory area all year long or just for your baby’s anniversary.
Pendants, bracelets, keychains, dogtags – there is much to choose from. Your child’s birthstone or handcrafted jewellery with initials stamped on, hand/footprints etched onto jewellery. There are many suppliers that can create something truly unique and special. Ashes can also be included.
Finding ways, both spiritual and practically, to weave him into the fabric of my daily life & into the folds of who I become after loss is as vital to me as breathing.
Buy an ornament to hang on the tree or put on your mantel. It could be something that just appeals to you or get something special made.
The shadow of the anniversary looms long before the day itself; as the years pass, a common realisation is that the build-up is worse than the day itself.
People do many different things on their baby’s anniversaries (or ‘angelversaries’, as they are also known) – have a birthday cake, donate to a charity, some visit the grave, visit a special place.